Dear Spring

Dearest Spring,

Long have I waited for your tender embrace, to feel the warmth that you bring to my soul! My very being yearns for you! When I see bitterness, the cold dark despairing soul of black outside my window, I remember fondly your budding beauty. Please, come back my love, come back and set my soul free, free to experience all that you are and all that you shall be.

In other news, last week I missed my #100 by .2 as many know. This week I don’t know what happened, but I feel a total lack of motivation to go to the gym. If my metal box of torture is to be believed I am looking at a gain is week. I think that a few factors are contributing to this weeks fail, one being I am getting sick of the gym. There is only so many things you can do at the gym, and I need something different. Winter is dragging on to long and I just want some nice weather, to be able to take Katrina out and not freeze my gears off. I also think I might have self sabotaged, being afraid of loosing this weight and not having my shield of fat to protect me from this world.

So, Mr. BBB, if you have a gain what happens next? Good question, I think it will be time to quit and regain all my weight. Wait, that’s not correct, I think it will be time to refocus and look at my priorities. Is this about numbers on a piece of paper? Is this about working out till you drop(almost passed out the other day after a work out)? Instead, is this about enjoying life and being healthy? Is it about playing with your son on the playground, and enjoying being a husband/father to my family. Questions I must decided for myself, and while the answer seems clear, my mind is not sure.

Growing up I think about all I missed out on, being afraid to go on rides because I thought I was to fat/big. Thinking that people hated me simply because of my weight, and so avoiding them whenever I could. It sucks that I let those things stop me from enjoying life, but its not to late, I am still here! My one big dream is to go hang gliding, the thought of soaring through the air with no engine like a bird thrills me(though I am deathly afraid of heights). When I get below 200lbs I plan to peruse this, and I can’t “weight” for it to happen.


PS if anyone knows Ellen I want to go on her show 🙂


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