So I am fighting a cold, bleh, I hate getting colds but with a kid in daycare it is inevitable. Had a tough week, just didn’t have much motivation to go work out, or make healthy choices. It was one of those times when I just felt like going back to the old me. Like the fight was not worth it, the goals to far away.
That being said I had a very slight gain, .6, which honestly I just count as a maintain. Other than the a fore mentioned cold, I am feeling better. I did something the otherday, which I have been putting off for a very long time. I removed my safety net! I got rid of pretty much all of my clothes 4xl and above. I gave them away to another guy who needed them. I must say it was bittersweet, knowing that I no longer needed them but someone else did.
The reason I have been keeping them is simple, it was a safety net. It meant that IF I failed at this I would still have clothes. It was almost like telling myself it was ok to fail. Now in a sense it is do or die(literally on that part I suppose). While it was scary to do, after the were gone it felt amazing. It was like someone lifted a burden off of my shoulders. I am free of the man I was, and free to move on with my life. I swear in front of you all on this very day, 10/31/13 at 11am, I will NEVER have to wear those sizes again.
Want to know a secret? I was never suppose to be the man I was, and I never was suppose to be where I was. I am enjoying this gift, the gift of being able to be alive, not dead in the ground. Alive here and now! To be able to play and guide my children as they grow up is an amazing thing indeed. To be the father and husband I was always suppose to be, and wanted to be.
I went through a very depressed state this past week, I questioned myself, my resolve, even why I am here. I questioned if it was worth the trouble, if it would even matter if I was gone. I started to write down how I felt, and the things I would miss if I wasn’t here tomorrow. I would miss so much, the day to day life of my family. I would miss watching my children grow up to strong and great men. I would miss so much of life it made me cry. I also realized that if I gave up on my journey, if I throw in the towel and ate till I burst, I would miss it all. The reality is sickening, it send shivers down my spine when I think about it. I was committing suicide by food, ending my life one bite at a time. When you realize that you can begin to realize that you have the power to change that. No one on this earth can change you, NO ONE. Change can only happen when we are sick of living the life we live, AND we want to fix it.
In closing, I want to reach out to anyone who reads this, remember to love yourself for who you are, but strive to change that which needs changing. Human beings are remarkable creatures, we can think and act, we can move mountains if we want to. We just have to try, and try again.
Happy Halloween and keep on rolling,
Big Boned Biker