So much has gone on, the last week or so, I don’t think I will ever be the same. In fact, I KNOW I will never be the same. I suppose though, I should start at the beginning, as most good stories do, in a hole in the ground…wait that was the Hobbit.
The last week or so has been a major struggle, I have been feeling very down and not being able to go to the gym hasn’t helped. I feel often that I have let myself down, because I had this grand idea of snow flying behind my bike as I trekked across town on my bike. The reality has been that it is to damn cold! I use to handle cold well, in fact I use to love it! I was always so warm/insulated, kinda like a walrus I suppose, that the cold winter wind felt brisk and energizing on my skin. Now, it makes my bones hurt, literally, it has been very unpleasant. I was able to get out for a short ride a bit back, about 6-7 miles, when the weather warmed up into the 40’s.
So jump forward a bit, I have not been doing well on weigh in’s as of late, not gaining but not really loosing much. I know it is because of the lack of exercise, which is frustrating. Yes, I could work out at home with videos, but I frankly find them quickly boring. I have also been finding myself being VERY hungry lately. The type of hungry where you just want to save time and eat the entire fridge whole. I don’t know why I have been so hungry, but I have a theory on it. My theory is that because I have been getting less sleep, my body is trying to make up that energy by eating more food. It says “hey we are sleepy and lethargic! We MUST need more food!”, which in turn makes me want to eat, and when I eat more then I should I don’t loose much weight. I am hoping once I can start getting more sleep again, things will get better. On the one plus side (or is it minus?), I received a new coat for Christmas from Mrs. BBB…it was a 1xl. It also, FITS! I went from a near 6xl when I started this journey. Ok, back to our story….
I don’t know how sleep is going to be though, because on the third(01/03/14) at 5:12 am, my life has been changed again…with Lil BBB number 2 arriving on the scene! It is amazing, and I feel blessed having been there to see him born. I was there when my first son was born, and I remember how long it took, it was also a much longer “pushing time”. This time, he almost slid right out of there! The doctor didn’t even have time to arrive, and the nurse ended up doing the delivery. It made me think about how things can be so different yet so much the same. I couldn’t help but look up a photo from when my first son was born, and compare it to a photo of my second sons birth. I wonder if the person in the second picture is really me? How could I be THAT guy, I look skinny/healthy!?!? No number one, that must be me, because I can’t have changed so much. Yet, here I am, that healthy looking guy! Not perfect, and still have a longways to go, but still healthy looking.
The man in that first picture, he doesn’t look like he has many years left does he? Can you see the heart attack coming? I doubt that man will see the birth of another child! The man in that second picture, looks like someone who has a lifetime to spend with his growing family. Can you see the wonderful seasons yet to be? The running through fields in summer, the snow ball fights in winter, the hiking in the fall? Can this be the same man from the first picture? Am I the same man? Am I he, and is he me?
I am not that man, that man is dead. He didn’t survive to see the creation of this new life, he didn’t survive to play with his kids on the living room floor. He died, but like a phoenix, I was reborn of the ashes. A new man that sits here, having shed the skin of the beast that I was. I have not just lost #165, I have GAINED a new life, and a new mindset on life. I use to live with the knowledge that I would be dead soon, now I live with the knowledge that I get to see my children grow! I GET TO SEE MY CHILDREN GROW! I have tears in my eyes as I type this, because I almost died with that “other man”. I almost shared that grave with him, in that lonely dark place he lived. There but for the grace of G/D WENT I!
I have a lot of people tell me that they get a lot of inspiration from this blog, when I hear that it makes me happy. If you look at a photo of yourself, and can honestly say “that person doesn’t have long to live”. I want you to die, yes, die! I want you to die, and be reborn as something wonderful and new! I want you to leave that person, and become the person that has a lifetime to live. You CAN do it! Even the smallest baby step forward, is progress forward. I want you to know, that deep down, below all that self-doubt, there is a person who can do it.
My “door” is always open, if you have any questions or need to talk… Here is my Facebook you can message me there any time!
“If you can’t fly, run! If you can’t run, walk! If you can’t walk, crawl! No mater what it takes, keep moving!”
Keep on rolling,
Big Boned Biker