Do what you know…

My weight loss has been going slow, I know it is because of the weather and the lack of exercising. I find that I really don’t like the videos, I do better when I have to go somewhere to do my workout, maybe it is the commitment level involved?

So I have joined a gym! I have had to workouts so far and it felt nice to get my sweat on! I was nervous at what my “fitness level” would be like, but I am finding myself preforming well. Though it is not the same level that it had been, it isn’t to far off. I was able to still run for about 2.5 min sprints with 1-2 min breaks. So not to bad in my book, considering I have not done much workouts in a few months.

I actually took the bike today to the gym, and what a mistake that was. I ended up getting a flat on the way home! Luckily I have my spare tube with me..for my other bike. No biggie, I have a patch kit! Great, but I don’t have my pump! Wasn’t to bad ended up walking about 3/4th of a mile, but after a pretty intense workout, I was feeling it.

So not to much to update with, the boys are both doing great, big brother is being an awesome handy helper.

This is the Big Boned Biker, and keep on rolling!

Actually, no I am not done yet, I feel like I have more to share, though struggling how to put it into words.

I am frustrated, the weight loss slowing down is frustrating me! I KNEW it would slow down as I lost weight, but I loved seeing those big losses. Last week I had a small gain of .8, and for the first time regained a point. It hit me hard, and the first thought I had was a nice fresh dunkin’ donuts 12 pack. Mmmm the comfort of food! The second thought I had was that a dozen donuts won’t help the situation. It sounded good, and I really wanted it! So, my mind made some great excuses up, “I am not really doing this because I feel sad, I just want some donuts” or “I have all my weeklies back so it is ok, because you can eat ANYTHING on weight watchers!”. I thought about it, I really really thought about it. As I left the meeting(didn’t feel like staying for it as they have been about the new simple start this month), I got into my car, drove down the street to the intersection. Left is subway(which is our typical Wed. night dinner), right is towards dunkin.

I had a choice to make, a big one. If I gave into my emotions, I knew it would cascade and make things worse. Food was my drug of choice, and I could taste it already. I hit my blinker and turned to the left. Yes the left, I had made a less regrettable choice. Why though? As I pulled into subway, I thought about that question. I asked myself the better question, why was I really craving those donuts?

The answer is deeper than a simple gain on the scale. The last few months have been tough on me, and depressing. Do to a medical condition I have, things felt like they were simply compounding on each other. The stress of finances, babies, weight loss, my business. All these things, amplified by my condition, had left me in a vulnerable state. I realized I have been very depressed, and had not even realized it. In fact, as I am writing this, I am still feeling that way (though I know many people will want to write “it will be ok messages” please don’t). The emptiness was needing filling! So when I had that gain, it was just to much, when I lost that point it was even worse. So why did I turn left?

Have you figured it out yet? It is a simple answer, much simpler then I wanted it to be. Many people who deal with depressive states might know why I turned left. The reason I turned left is because I always turn left. It was autopilot kicking in! I have been conditioning myself to make positive choices for my health. I have been training, like an athlete, to make healthy choices in my life. So when I felt like this, my training kicked in, it KNEW the choices I really wanted to make!!

Who has watched the movie “Yes man”? If you haven’t, you need to watch it. You start out making positive choices because you have to, but soon you find yourself making those choices because you WANT to. So does that mean I don’t struggle anymore? No, it means that I am learning and making long term changes. I will still struggle and make regrettable choices, but in the long run I know I will make more positive ones.

Keep on rolling,

Big Boned Biker

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