Life on the struggle bus
Hello Big boned Biker readers! My name is Becky. I want to thank BBB for asking me to guest post and allowing me the graciousness to be late with it….as I am with everything in my life. Ok so a little about myself……………….I’m a 38 year old single mother of a wonderful daughter who has battled many obstacles in life but my weight has been the most difficult for me to overcome….seems I’m constantly riding the struggle bus. I’ve been on every diet known to mankind, even considered weight loss surgeries such as Lapland and gastric bypass. In 2010 when my daughter was about 2, I decided that I wanted to be a good role model for my daughter and be healthy so that I could make sure I was around for her. For the last four years I have gained and lost the same 50 of my total 80 pound weight loss over and over.
A friend of mine posting on facebook the other day that she was on the struggle bus and it got me to thinking. In her reference it was getting up and getting ready for work on a beautiful Saturday that she would have rather just stayed in bed a little while longer and then go out and enjoy one of the first pretty days we had after a long out of the ordinary winter here in East Tennessee. This struck a chord with me. I thought to myself, man I’m always on the struggle bus. I have been on it for years. I’m beginning to think I’ve moved from passenger of the struggle bus to the driver.
Life is a struggle in of itself…we struggle to pay our bills, have families, buy a house, get to work each day, get every item completed on our perpetual to-do lists…it goes on and on. However struggle doesn’t have to be seen in a negative way…does it? Yes I have been the same weight for 2 years, despite my best efforts to exercise myself to death, but I’m still struggling with my diet. Still struggling means to me I’m still fighting. We can either choose to struggle or we can lie down and die. This is not an option I am willing to entertain. If I’m still struggling surely I’ll eventually get there someday.
SOME OF THE STRUGGLES I HAVE OVERCOME:
Early on in my weight loss journey I really “struggled” with exercising in public because of my size. Most especially when it came to running. Amazingly, my friend and I actually started being encouraged by the people that basically wouldn’t make eye contact with us for months while we walked at our local park. They started speaking to us and say “way to go” “keep up the good work” its like we had crossed over some sort of invisible barrier. So many people have messaged me over the years saying “how do you run, I can’t run I’m too big” I’m quick to remind them that I started running at over 300 pounds and continue to run at my current weight of 285. Overcoming this struggle has led to others overcoming theirs.
For years I only exercised at a local park, where as I mentioned before we became very friendly with people seeing the same ones day in and day out. Being known and accepted is just such a basic building block of needs we all have. However the weather does put quite a damper on things and led me to yet another struggle. I had to seek out an alternative for the rainy days and the winter seasons. I did DVDs, but lets get real about it for me that didn’t work…to easy to just sit down on the couch and play on facebook….or I’d say oh ill do it after my daughter went to bed….hmmm not! This led me to Zumba class! Friends let me tell you I was hooked from day one. It was at a local church and an acquaintance of mine was the instructor. I didn’t have as much of a struggle going to this as I did running but those old negative Nelly thoughts still ran through my mind….will someone make fun of my size, will they make fun of my loose skin going the opposite direction the rest of my body it….on and on and on. There again had numerous people say that my going encouraged them to go.
Another struggle I have had to overcome is the gym. I wish I could do two Public service announcements in regards to the gym….one for the gym rats who are the uber fit of the community asking them, begging them to include us overweight members in their clichés, not to give us the “look”, to make us feel like we belong and not invading “their” space. Then the second one would be to the overweight less confident members….to remind them that they pay their dues just like anyone else at the gym, to go try new things no matter what looks you get, and that once you lose the weight please don’t resort to fat shaming. Feeling and believing I deserve to be at the gym is still something I struggle with. I feel like I’m taking the place of fit person….how ridiculous is that!!! Matter of fact, just typing this out is making me really think about how often I’m letting the struggle get the best of me on this one…maybe I’m still in the process of overcoming this one.
So in conclusion, being on the struggle bus isn’t all that bad as long as you don’t let the struggle get the best of you. You have to look at why you are struggling, what you are struggling for, and how you can overcome that struggle. You never know who is watching and you could change their lives forever. At weight watchers we are encouraged to have an anchor…..my daughter is my anchor. The picture I’m including is of us yesterday at a local amusement park. We are in a ride that I couldn’t have gotten into at my biggest and before I lost weight couldn’t have walked around all day long. I actually wore her out! So keep struggling so you live to struggle another day!
Much love and blessings,