This last week sucked, it just plain sucked! Actually, the last two weeks suck, because of traveling back to Platteville I ended up going negative on my points each week. We also didn’t get to weigh in the one week, and so when weigh in came on this past Saturday it was welcomed. What made these past weeks all the worse was the weather, cold, rainy, and just plain yucky. Despite my manly persona, sometimes I can be rather wimpy. The truth is I let it be an easy excuse not to go out riding, and those week showed it. I have been grumpy, depressed, hungry, and rather snappy at those near me. So to everyone who had to deal with me I apologize, it wasn’t you, it really was me. I find myself needing to vent about this so, since this is my blog I will do as such.
I ate and ate and ate and ate and ate..I DID track, but that is me only half-assing it. I found myself hungry even though i had already ate a decent sized meal. Nothing could sedate my hunger some days, leaving me feeling worse and worse. I tried hard to not feel guilty about my choices, but after 2 slices of pizza, a waffle cone, bag of popcorn, and some Chinese food(all in one meal) it is difficult thing to do. I know what was causing the hunger and right now i don’t wish to share publicly. I know some of you are thinking “but you share so much!”, but sometimes even I want to keep somethings to myself.
I walked up to the scale on 05/03/2014 with a weird mix of feelings, knowing what my fate was gave me a sense of relaxation. I accepted what was coming, the gain that would be showing on the scale. I needed this, oh lord did I need this! Just like getting baptized, I felt that this weigh in would wash my last two weeks away. I would feel “redeemed” so to speak, and free to move on! I also felt a feeling of dread, I was about to have my sentence passed down from the “judge”. As the scale sent me it’s metallic stare, it seemed to scan me for a sign of remorse for my deeds, for that second piece of pizza or that waffle cone. It knew, it knew all my dirty little eating secrets! How can you feel judged and set free at the same time? I have no clue, but that is how I felt.
“So how was your week?”, ahh yes the standard question from the lady behind the scale. How was my week? I could lie, but why? I weighed myself at home before I left and a 3 pound gain can be hard to hide. I could laugh it off, hahaha I ate a horse! Did you hear about those sheep that went missing? It really does take three little piggies to make a piggy pie! I don’t know what good that will do though, if anything it makes it seems like I simply don’t care anymore. Do I care anymore? There was a day that I hit my “limit” and was done with the it all. I told my wife, I am through with it all, screw this all! Yet, I knew I couldn’t quit, and I didn’t want it to seem like I did. So, I could be honest? Hey, I ate like a pig and didn’t practice what I preach. You know those anchors? I cut the line and let them sink! I am nothing but a fat fat fatty hypocrite, a fruad and a flim flam. Maybe I should just not say anything, step on the scale and, face it with a cold glare.
Which am I? The lier, the joker, the truth-teller, the brick wall? That moment seemed to last a lifetime, I knew what I was going to do and didn’t like it one bit. I looked her in the eye and said “it was a bad week, I went negative on my points and made poor choices”. Did I feel like the liar, hypocrite, and a fraud? Yup! I didn’t let that stop me though, because I know that those aren’t true. I am simply a human being who has ups and downs. Much to my surprise(ok not really) she didn’t judge me! I love the fact that weigh in is a judgment free zone, I don’t have to worry about disappointing looks or remarks.
I stood holding my breath, almost afraid to look at the scale, the feeling of redemption came back over me. It didn’t matter what the scale said, and I won’t tell you if you ask. I felt a sense of renewed vigor, this coming week will be my best week in a long time! I am focused and driven, I want my next goal. I can TASTE my next goal, and it tastes better than any thing I have ever ate before! Have you ever had one of those moments? The moment when you realize that you could smack down a linebacker if he got in your way! That is me right now, I am on fire and nothing will put me out.
So if I have a gain next week, will that stop me? Really, did you not just read the above? I will not be stopped, if you fall down 6 times you get up 7. So yesterday you know what I did after lunch? I took my oldest boy on a 30 mile bike ride. Semi-loaded my panniers and hooked Katrina up to Bullseye, taking off for parts unknown. We even did some “off roading” for a bit, going through some water puddles. By the way, FYI, those trailers do not have the same clearance as your bike. Lucky it just soaked his feet and he had the good sense to pick his feet up when he felt them getting wet.
Moral of the story, you tell me…
Keep on rolling,