Singled Out

“Before we go any further, how much do you weight?”
“250ish”
“Sorry you have to be 249.9 or less, that limit is to the gram!”

It was a very embarrassing moment in my life, this is the conversation that took place today at the Chicago Science and Industry museum, for their flight simulator. I have always wanted to try one of these things, but never even attempted due to my weight. When I saw that the offered it my hear skipped a beat, I HAD to try it out! It would be a great thing to remind me of this weight loss journey! I convinced my brother in law to try it with me, and as I walked up to the counter I was very excited. As shared above though, those thoughts were dashed upon the runways of my dreams.

It took everything I had in me to walk away with my chin held high, and to not rip that guy a new one! I wasn’t going to give the guy the pleasure(which I doubt he took, but in my mind at the time it felt different) of seeing me sulk away. I didn’t really argue, I said ok, and walked away. I saw my wife, sister in law, and the boys sitting near by and she noticed right away that something was wrong. I didn’t want to really talk about it, well I DID want to talk about it, but I couldn’t really do it yet.

Chicago Science and Industry to fat for them
Right before the incident…

I did talk about it with her, but it didn’t really help. I feel like crap even right now, it makes me feel like a failure. I even feel like I let my kids down, that they are stuck with an incompetent failure for a father. It makes me wonder why I bother in the first place, if this is what happen still, I may as well put all that weight right back on! I am a worthless, fat, incompetent failure of a father, and how could I feel any other way? Thankfully I have learned one thing over the years, feelings aren’t always rational. That is why we don’t call the factings, they are our inner most thoughts wrapped up in bacon and served with a side of eggs. OK, maybe not eggs, but I am sure feelings are wrapped in bacon, why else would we swallow all the lies our feelings tell us?

The feelings I have of incompetency are really my feelings of self-doubt, my feelings of failure are really my fear of trying, my feelings of self-loathing are really a projection of the teasing that happened to me as a child. When you get down to it, my feelings had nothing to do with happened, they are irrational for the most part and were simply triggered by the event. Yes it angered me, but why? Anger is really a secondary emotion, it comes from sadness and fear typically. You can often tell which emotion it really is by taking note of the emotion you feel before you feel angry! This time it was sadness, I really wanted to do this ride and I was told I couldn’t do it. All the rest of the feelings I had point back to my sadness.

Ok, I am sad, now what? Now I apply my “winning steps” to the issue!

1. Is my sadness justified?
2.Is it fixable/changeable
3.What do I need to do to change or fix it?
4.Do it!

Pretty simple steps, and I invite you to come along with me as I work them. We established that my emotions were justified, sadness is a reasonable feeling to after a rejection. I can change it and make it not happen again! In order to change it, I need to work the program and need to loose some more weight. I tracked everything today as always, got in some great walking, and am still feeling motivated! I look forward to walking up there soon and saying 249.8! I am not a failure, or an incompetent father, I am a strong capable man, who has struggled with an addiction and is making great changes in his life.

vortex2

Keep On Rolling,
Big Boned Biker

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9 thoughts on “Singled Out

  1. That’s rough! You have a great attitude. I know you will get there soon. You are a great role model for your kids. Find something you don’t like and work to change it.

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  2. I’ve read several of your posts and comments. I have no doubt you WILL get to try out that simulator. You have the right attitude and you are not a quitter. Looking forward to seeing the photo of you stepping into that contraption! We’re all cheering for you.

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  3. U r not alone. I am exactly where u r at #lbs and all. Single mom of twin 5 yo and I am committed to being healthy for me.. for just this reason. I am a HUGE kID hence prob why I am , and will remain single as a life choice.
    I like the rollercoasters, biking, swimming..etc. I have not stopped doing any of it.. but as I the years roll by.. i realize that the # does matter.
    U can SO DO whatever u set your mind to.
    U R amazing.
    thank u for this post.

    Good luck with your life choices… U CAN DO THIS!

    enjoy your life, your body, your family… its priceless.

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  4. Oh man, I struggle with this too! At just a bit north of where you’re weighing in, I feel like my health (tho generally good) and my size is holding my 8 yr old son back a bit. I don’t look like the other dads, who can kick back beers and brats all Saturday afternoon and still carry 1/3 of as many lbs. as tea-totaling me.

    But we’re all trying hard to eat smart and exercise several times per week. Just recently, I noticed some of my clothes beginning to fit looser. That’s some incredible positive reinforcement.

    My “under 250” goal? Indoor skydiving. I’m much too chicken to jump out of an actual airplane, but I’d love to try indoor skydiving!

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  5. I love the line – I have learned one thing over the years, feelings aren’t always rational. That is why we don’t call the factings. I have something going on right now and it’s helpful to read this.
    Good luck getting to the weight you desire. You seem to have the right attitude now and will use this dissapointment as even more motivation.

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  6. Micah just remember you’re on the right path of health. You have come very far and I know you will continue with your weight loss journey regardless. Can’t wait to read your follow-up when you return to try out the simulator. You’ve got this!

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