“Before we go any further, how much do you weight?”
“Sorry you have to be 249.9 or less, that limit is to the gram!”
It was a very embarrassing moment in my life, this is the conversation that took place today at the Chicago Science and Industry museum, for their flight simulator. I have always wanted to try one of these things, but never even attempted due to my weight. When I saw that the offered it my hear skipped a beat, I HAD to try it out! It would be a great thing to remind me of this weight loss journey! I convinced my brother in law to try it with me, and as I walked up to the counter I was very excited. As shared above though, those thoughts were dashed upon the runways of my dreams.
It took everything I had in me to walk away with my chin held high, and to not rip that guy a new one! I wasn’t going to give the guy the pleasure(which I doubt he took, but in my mind at the time it felt different) of seeing me sulk away. I didn’t really argue, I said ok, and walked away. I saw my wife, sister in law, and the boys sitting near by and she noticed right away that something was wrong. I didn’t want to really talk about it, well I DID want to talk about it, but I couldn’t really do it yet.
I did talk about it with her, but it didn’t really help. I feel like crap even right now, it makes me feel like a failure. I even feel like I let my kids down, that they are stuck with an incompetent failure for a father. It makes me wonder why I bother in the first place, if this is what happen still, I may as well put all that weight right back on! I am a worthless, fat, incompetent failure of a father, and how could I feel any other way? Thankfully I have learned one thing over the years, feelings aren’t always rational. That is why we don’t call the factings, they are our inner most thoughts wrapped up in bacon and served with a side of eggs. OK, maybe not eggs, but I am sure feelings are wrapped in bacon, why else would we swallow all the lies our feelings tell us?
The feelings I have of incompetency are really my feelings of self-doubt, my feelings of failure are really my fear of trying, my feelings of self-loathing are really a projection of the teasing that happened to me as a child. When you get down to it, my feelings had nothing to do with happened, they are irrational for the most part and were simply triggered by the event. Yes it angered me, but why? Anger is really a secondary emotion, it comes from sadness and fear typically. You can often tell which emotion it really is by taking note of the emotion you feel before you feel angry! This time it was sadness, I really wanted to do this ride and I was told I couldn’t do it. All the rest of the feelings I had point back to my sadness.
Ok, I am sad, now what? Now I apply my “winning steps” to the issue!
1. Is my sadness justified?
2.Is it fixable/changeable
3.What do I need to do to change or fix it?
Pretty simple steps, and I invite you to come along with me as I work them. We established that my emotions were justified, sadness is a reasonable feeling to after a rejection. I can change it and make it not happen again! In order to change it, I need to work the program and need to loose some more weight. I tracked everything today as always, got in some great walking, and am still feeling motivated! I look forward to walking up there soon and saying 249.8! I am not a failure, or an incompetent father, I am a strong capable man, who has struggled with an addiction and is making great changes in his life.
Keep On Rolling,
Big Boned Biker