Step 2/2,500,000

I have been writing this post for awhile now, I get a few lines in and delete it. I have been in a bad spot, and just not happy about where I am at with things. I was on some medication that had a side effect of weight gain, and it hit me hard! In 2 months around 30 pounds, but I am finally off of it.

I had hoped/thought that once I was off, things would be fine and the weight would come of quickly. Nope. I can’t seem to refocus on weight watchers, the weight I gained has left me feeling so horrible about myself. I hate that I let myself regain so much weight, even though I know it was a side effect. I feel that I should have been stronger, and I am frankly embarrassed by my new weight. I already lost this weight, I don’t want to do it again! Argh!

insecurity

I have gotten out biking a few times, but I can tell a difference from last year. I am struggling to do the mileage that I was able to do last spring, which just adds to my shame. Emotionally, I don’t know what to do, I am spinning out of control. This is how it has always been for me when I began to slip of the cliff, though this time one important thing is different. I normally can’t “see” myself doing well, I just see myself gaining hundreds of pounds. This time, I can see myself getting back on track. I can picture myself looking back on this time and the struggle I am facing, and how I was able to turn things around again.

My Action Plan

I am taking a baby step the rest of the week, I am going to get 30 min of some sort of activity in everyday. This could be cleaning the yard (or the house), playing with the kids, riding, learning to dance polka, what ever. It needs to give me a steady elevated heart rate, and I will count it.

I will track, and no “short hand” tracking! I will track it BEFORE I eat it, and not after.

I will talk to those who will help support me, and that I know won’t take my crappy excuses.

I will remind myself, that this isn’t a punishment. This is simply a journey, and just because I took a wrong turn, doesn’t mean I am going to strap c4 explosives to the bottom of the car, drive it towards a cliff at 100mph, and jump out at the last moment in a dramatic slow motion style as the car explodes. Instead, I am going to ask for directions, plug in the gps, and get back on the road.

Signed: Big Boned Biker

I will do my best to keep some updates coming, and don’t forget o check out my Facebook page for more daily activity.

This really is a journey of a 1000 miles, and I’m already taking step number 2!

Journey of a thousend miles

Keep on rolling!

BBB

* I am finishing this up really late, and I hope the writing makes sense *

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