Gym

Really proud of myself today! Not only did I go to the gym, despite my having to reschedule with my trainer, but I also stepped outside my personal comfort zone

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Really proud of myself today! Not only did I go to the gym, despite my having to reschedule with my trainer, but I also stepped outside my personal comfort zone.

When I first started working out at the gym, my biggest fear was being noticed by people. The first time I had to do squats and lunges on my own, I was so scared I was shaking! I pushed past that however, and have finally gotten to the point where I feel comfortable doing my workout. I realized that everyone was to busy looking at themselves in the mirror to notice my reflection. I could workout in peace, and now don’t even need to headphones when I lift(I used them to drown out the room as opposed to listening to music). I saw my fear, faced it and moved on.

So here I am, mid workout, just finishing my sets of lunges, when a man walks up to me. Not only does he walk up to me, but he asks me to come spot him. Inside I am freaking out, my mind races and thinks about all the times I have been the butt of jokes, but I reply “no problem happy to help”. As I am walking over I remember that he had briefly introduced himself a week or so ago when I was working with the dumbbells. This made me feel slightly better but inside I was still feeling very self-conscious, my belling showing slightly due to the cut of my workout shirt(it is made for biking so it is shorter in the front and longer in the back). It sorta came to me at this time that I really didn’t know how to “spot” someone actually. I knew the idea behind it, but having never done it, I wasn’t sure the etiquette of doing it. Would I help him lift to soon? To Late? Was I about to get someone killed because the weight was higher than I could handle? Anxiety makes you think of these types of things.

“I’ve never spotted anyone before, what would you like me to do?” I asked, because despite not wanting to look like an idiot, I didn’t want to do this wrong.

He explained what he wanted me to do, but my thoughts were still galloping around in my head. Filling me with doubt. Would I be able to handle this weight? No, because you are just a fat weakling. Is this some cruel joke that someone is playing on me? YES, because why else would they ask for your help! Are you going to just mess this up and look like an idiot? Of course you will. These were the type of thoughts that were going on in my brain.

He didn’t get hurt, he didn’t laugh at me, he didn’t do anything besides lift weights and say thank you. Afterwords we talked for a few a couple of minutes and I came to the realization that he probably was having the same self-conscious feelings that I was. Turns out, we are both humans, both new to this, and both just trying to get our “burn” on. As I went back to my workout I felt a sense of pride in myself, a few weeks ago I would have just said no, and just the fact that someone noticed me, I may never have wanted to step foot in the gym again. I did it though, I proved that I was stronger than I believed. Physically, but even more so emotionally.

I read somewhere that the best thing to do with anxiety, is to do the thing you are anxious about. Every time you don’t, you are reinforcing that negativity behavior, making it more difficult next time to push through it. I know next time, I won’t feel like I did, or I should say, I won’t feel AS bad as I did. I am a stronger person, I am a healthier person, and I am learning to enjoy to workout physically and emotionally.

Finally starting to see some progress again(and time for a haircut again I think)!

Starting to see some progress
Starting to see some progress
Mid workout
Mid workout

Keep On Rolling,

Big Boned Biker

Determination

Today was a day where I woke up feeling defeated.

Today was a day where I woke up feeling defeated. No energy, not even 2 cups of DeathWish coffee could wake me up! Despite this, I really wanted to get in a workout this morning, and the best time was after dropping my oldest off at pre-k. One of the most awesome things about my gym is the free daycare! I love the fact that it allows me to work out during the day time, and not having to wait till the kids go to bed. My youngest loves it so much, he practically runs the entire way once we get inside.

After getting him settled in I went to the locker room to get changed. While in the locker room I felt like I could lay down on the bench and sleep right there. I honestly wasn’t sure how I would make it through a workout, let alone off the damn bench. Yet, I managed to get dressed and found that the gym was happily dead. I picked a treadmill, with a buffer on each side because my heart rate monitor will get picked up by the machines next to me as well. While loading up my Couch to 5k app, I really wondered if I could actually get through the entire 30 mins. I had no get up and go, no energy to speak of, and I was pretty sure I would start walking and quit 5 min. into it. Ever felt this way? What did you do? Here’s how it went for me.

I did the warm up and realized this was crazy and quit. I went next door to the pizza place and ate an entire large pizza, with 4 full calorie sodas. Not really though, after the warm up I decided I would just walk the entire thing, but when the “ding, start running!” sounded, I found myself turning it up and running. When it finished I swore that I was going to walk the next one, because I am beat. “Ding, start running” and again I turned it up to run. This went on for awhile and each time I would finish running I would tell myself “next time we walk”. I was defeated but I refused to give up, I ended up running all of them and finished out the full 30 mins! I ended up earning a badge, and I must say it was highly appropriate.

Determination

Determination? Even though I swore I was quitting at every chance, when it came time to make a choice, I picked pushing through it. It wasn’t an easy choice, and I instantly regretted it as I gasped for air like a fish out of water. But the regret I would have felt by giving up would have been even worse. Remember, when the road gets rough up ahead, just take it one step at a time. When you do, you will find yourself getting through the rough patch before you know it! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Keep on Rolling,

Big Boned Biker

Gym Bag

As I looked through my bag I made out a mental checklist
Diapers check

wipes Check

HRM Strap Check

Shirt Check

Pants Check

Water Check

Headphones Check

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I grabbed the bag and headed to drop my oldest off at school, but today was going to be different! Today I was meeting with a trainer. I arrived about 15 min early and brought my youngest into the daycare and went to change. The locker room is always a scary place for me, I hate the idea of changing in front of a bunch of other people. Even more so when I am the very fat guy and they are all body builders! I wear my workout shorts under my pants and find a corner to myself as best I can. Still, I feel like an outcast and like everyone is wondering what this guy is doing in their gym.

As I head out I ran into Jon, my trainer ,and we begin what would I was sure would be an hour of pure uncomfortableness. You see, I was very excited up until this moment, which changed when the realization of what I was doing hit me. I was about to deal with a person one on one who trains body builders and athletes. I get out of breath tying my shoes some days! He began with getting some basic background and I explained how I had lost heading towards 200# but had gained #100 back. His response is what made me realize that this wouldn’t be all bad. “but you didn’t gain it all back!”. I knew that I could work with him now, he wasn’t just going to judge me and blow me off.

I figured he would just run me through the machines real quick, right a few things down and then spend 30 min on a sales pitch on why I should hire him. Instead, he showed me the machines but the first things we used were free weights. This scared me! On a machine I could sorta hide how little I was lifting but with barbells and dumbbells etc, everyone could see how weak I really am. We started out with bench pressing, moved to dumbbells, and finally did head to a few machines. The only downside was that we only covered the upper body and didn’t have enough time to really show me a lower body workout. Oh well, I figured I could wing it.

After the workout we talked for a bit more, he explained how he likes people to track their food. I laughed a little and told him I track every bite, every meal, every day. He seemed excited about that, and we talked a bit more about how he would help me achieve my goals etc. Overall it was a great experience, and much better than I had expected. One big thing he told me though, and one that is I guess a common mistake, I have been doing to much cardio. If you do all your cardio now, then when you get to a point you stop loosing, you don’t have it to fall back on. Your body gets use to doing it and it becomes easier for it to do it (in other words burns less calories). Better is to work on strength a do cardio in short amounts on your non lifting days. It seemed so backwards from what I had always been told, that I actually checked with a few other people first and turns out he was correct. I am looking forward to signing up with him and hoping that this will give me the knowledge I have been lacking for strength training.

Fast forward to the last few workouts, I do my warm up, 15-30min cardio, and then I look at the weight lifting area with fear. I am still to scared to use the machines or free weights(right term?), because everyone will laugh at me. In fact, the will point and laugh, horns will grow out of their heads, and the entire world will turn into a grainy black and white! Look at this guy struggle to lift 15 pound weights! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So the first time I walked right by it and went to the locker room to leave. As I reached my locker I realized that I can’t let this fear rule me. I need to go out and do what I need to do! I go and start my workout, minus the bench presses(because they were being used). Turns out, no body laughed, no one had horns growing from their heads, and the world still stayed in color. I pushed past the fear and anxiety, feeling all the stronger for just doing that! I didn’t let other people become my excuse. The most important thing we bring with us to the gym is the willingness to push past our excuses!

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Keep On Rolling,
Big Boned Biker

Missed you guys..

How has everyone been doing? I have been ok, I tried starting a new blog only to realize that I missed having this one! So Big Boned Biker is back again, and I have some new things going on in my life to share.

First, for those that don’t know I suffer (hate this term) live with  Bipolar with OCD, and am finally getting my meds changed around. Night and day difference! What this means for me is that I am finally feeling good about myself again, and focusing on my weight. I have re-joined a gym,  getting a personal trainer, and am back on track with weight watchers! So far I have lost close to 30 pounds on the new weight watchers plan, and already planning some bike rides for this year!

For Christmas I got my oldest son a new bike! Presenting Green Bean Heat-bot Troll! It is a tag-along type bike and I think he will enjoy it more than the cramped trailer. It will also allow him to pull the trailer and we will have a really cool/long “bike train”. I might even have to find a train whistle to use!

PLEASE IGNORE THE MESS

Tag along, green bike, sons new bike

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I hope all is going well with those of you who read this, and I look forward to some more in-depth type posts soon.

Sincerely

Big Boned Biker

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You can’t keep a good dog down…

Self-empowerment

 

Working out is hard to do, and for many of us it is hard to find time to do it. As some of you know I am a S@HD, and with only having one car that really seems to mean stay at home during these winter months. I started to think about it though, should I join a gym? Budget is tight and not sure I could justify it(since when spring comes I am hitting the road). I could buy some work out stuff equipment; though I already have my bicycle trainer which is fine but I want to do other things. I had to come up with something, so I came up with a blog post.

I bet you didn’t know this, and promise you won’t tell, but I have an indoor jogging track, weight lifting area, spa, and yoga studio in my house. I bet you do as well, but it might be hidden!

indoor jogging track, using my hall for jogging

Please ignore the mess! This is my jogging track, yoga studio, and weight lifting center! The spa is at the end of the hall filled with rubber duckies and Octonauts. 32 steps from the front door to the end of the hallways and back. I make a daily goal to get 15k steps in a day, even if it means just running back and forth through that hallway. Weight lifting? I have some kettle bells but if I didn’t gallon milk jugs filled with sand or water can work well. Bench pressing? Well I am sorta weak so my two kids work for that. Think it will just be boring, don’t you? It’s ok, I can under stand that.

exercise, workout, stick figure workouts

We make games of it through out the day, lets race to pick up toys! Who can jump over the most Lego blocks? I bet you can’t do 15 laps without stopping! Do you think daddy can lift you up 25 times? Sit on daddy’s leg and he will lift you up. Hop on daddy while he does pushups, STOP TICKLING ME! All great things, but if you don’t have kids? Make it fun still, fill a jar full of marbles and have an empty one at the other end. The idea is to see how long it takes you to empty/fill the opposite side! Now see if you can beat that time? Have a dog? Throw a toy, and race him! Or if you are more adventurous head outside, maybe try some snowshoeing or skiing? Really, I bet you if you take a minute to think about it, you can find something to do.

The other issue, is when? You know when, YOU KNOW WHEN. We all have that time, even just 10 minutes, when we could do something. Watch TV at night? See how many laps you can do between commercials? Football? When the other team scores how about some push ups(Don’t attempt if you’re a bears fan, don’t want you to get to exhausted)? Movie, every time someone says muggle during harry potter do 5 burpies! I would wager that someone is reading this saying “Big Boned Biker, I am exhausted when I come home, and just want to sit down to relax”! I will sound like a giant A-hole right now but, so? Do you want to loose weight? Sometimes we have to push ourselves more than we are comfortable with, because I know for me comfortable was eating everything in sight. Inspiration comes from outside, but motivation only comes from within. There is no one to far gone to make changes, but those changes aren’t always easy. I think here is where I make a plug about selling motivational 12 week course?

To end this, I don’t exercise, and I refuse to ever do it! I love doing activities though, even if it is just running up and down my hallway looking like a goofball! Find what works, and do it! The only real excuse to not find something, is that you are at your own funeral (well not true there are others but let’s not be super literal). I would love to hear about what types of things you are doing, so please comment!

 

Keep On Rolling,

Big Boned Biker

12

Moving on and making changes…

First, sorry for not updating in awhile, life just gets in the was. Second, thank for hanging around anyways! Third, I actually don’t have a third.
I posted on my Facebook today a message “Moving on..change takes time but sometimes, it’s time for a change!”. I posted that because today was a major step in changing myself. I woke up this morning wanting the new fitbit Surge. but being sans the money to purchase it. I found my ski mask and gun, and headed to the bank. Quickly deciding that was a bad idea, since I don’t own a ski mask or gun, I had to think of something else. Staring ahead I noticed our movie wall. It was at that moment I realized we NEVER really watch them anymore, so why keep them ? I start listing different ones on some Facebook garage sale groups, but not really getting any bites. I wanted to raise $250 and this didn’t seem to be happening.

I will, as is my usual fashion, take a pause here to talk about something else. I have an addictive personality, whether food, computer/video games, cycling, weight loss, collecting, and jobs(I became certified at my last job, even though I didn’t need it). Really just about anything! This has lead to a lot of issues in my life, from weight to money troubles. At one point I collected about 2k in star wars items, sadly not anything that had true collectors value. This brings me to my other issue, I am a hoarder, and I keep things, I don’t get rid of them. One time my wife and I got in a fight over a stupid orange foam cowboy hat. I wore it at an event and it won me $50! How can you get rid of a lucky orange foam cowboy hat!! It has been a struggle for me to let things go, but slowly I have been. Why did I feel the need to interrupt the story to share this, because of what came next.

“I could sell my star wars stuff?” I said, hesitantly, my wife said something along the lines of “it’s your stuff and that is your choice”. This was hard, I remember buying so many of those things, and I had already gotten rid of the majority of it. I kept my favorite ones, my mighty mugg collection, my helmets and my r2-d2(voice activated one, even danced). Remember what I said about change? This was that change. Those things were a representation of the old me, the fat me, the hoarder me, the lazy me, the wrong me. Weird to thing of it like that, the wrong me, it is so true though, it isn’t the me I am suppose to be. The right me is, strong(emotionally and physically), balanced(in all aspects), and sharing. That is the RIGHT me, so I only had one choice. I sold them! I sold them ALL! Over 100 items, poof, gone. I knew I would feel that panicky, heart racing, tearful, feelings, but afterwords that isn’t how I felt. I took a deep breath, smiled and felt like a giant weight was lifted off of me. I slayed a demon today, maybe not the darkest of demons, but a demon non the less. The sweetest part of it is getting to look down at my wrist, seeing my new fitbit Surge, and remembering what it truly cost me.

My Reward and Reminder

I had to wait for this change, I had to get to the right place, but had I not acted, it wouldn’t be done! I am going to throw a back link in here as well, since it is the new year, here is some gym tips.

Snap!

Had a great date night with Mrs. 3B tonight! We went and saw Identity Theft and it was AWESOME! We also got to go to the gym, and it was nice to be able to go together since lil 3B was at his Aunts. Last Wednesday’s Weigh In was my lowest non-gain to date, 1.4 pounds, which isn’t bad but my average has been 3.4ish. I made the mistake of expressing my disappointment on the WW 200+ board and got ripped a new one. It hit me hard, and I feel very hurt. They took a previous post about 2 weeks ago where I titled it “I wish for a gain” or something like that. In that post I state how much stress I am feeling from family/friends and myself, I felt like I wanted a gain just to releave that stress. People twisted it into me saying I want a gain because I am loosing to fast ect. and missed what I was truly saying. I felt betrayed when they started using that against me, and acting like I was simply trying to rub my weight loss in their faces. Needless to say, I won’t be posting there much anymore.

BTW here is the triple B working out, with a SxS from before..spot any differences?

Wow those legs are a blur!
Wow those legs are a blur!