Turn the page

So this is my last post as a twenty something year old…tomorrow I turn thi..thir…thirr..twenty nine version two. I know, I am still young, but there is something about this age that “seals” in the loss of my youth. I remember when I turned 20, I was in Florida in fact and somehow talked my grandma into buying me a 6 pack of Coor’s Light. I remember feeling the same way, that a door was closing behind me. Shortly after that birthday I found myself in Canada working as an undocumented worker for a few months. In fact, it was after that birthday that my life went upside down in so many different ways, some good some bad.

Handsome, Mo-hawk, Fat man with a mohawk
Turned 20

1. Lived in Miami
2. Moved to Canada
3. Left Canada
4. Moved to Wisconsin
5. Got Job
6. Moved to different part of Wisconsin
7. Got Engaged
8. Broke up
9. Moved to Madison, Wisconsin
10. New Girlfriend
11. Got engaged
12. Broke up
13. Found new Girlfriend
14. Mom Died
15. Got Engaged
16. Left Job
17. Got Job
18. Left Job
19. Got Job
20. Got Married
21. Mother In Law Died
22. Left Job to be SAHD
23. Had first son
24. Moved to Eau Claire, Wisconsin
25. Found Church we loved
26. Bought Katrina
27. Moved To Platteville, Wisconsin
28. Started Weight Watchers
29. Had second son
30. Moved to Indiana

So here is my last ten years summed up in 30 parts, kind of boring eh? I realize that I let my weight stop me from doing so many things! I look back on all the missed opportunities and it gives me some regrets. Why didn’t I make these changes sooner? The sad sad sad truth is I wasn’t ready for the most part to make those changes. The good news is that it isn’t to late to still live my life! My goal is to do something amazingly awesome every year, so that when I am 40 it will be a much better list!

Jumping back a bit, I want to talk about some things that have been going on in my life. This part has been on my mind a lot about sharing, I am still not sure if I am going to publish it. I hope this doesn’t “taint” my posts for the future, and I am sharing in the hopes that others may get some help out of it. In 2012 I found out I have a type of Bi-Polar. Bi-polar 2, which means I have more of the low end of things and not the major highs/manics of a BP1 person. I also have OCD, which often times comes hand in hand with BP. Why am I sharing this? One, this is my blog and I want to write about it! Really though, is that it is a big factor of my life. It is often times at the source of my struggles, bringing me down when I should be happy. It is a part of me that I wish wasn’t, but as they say “we all have a cross to bare”. One thing I want to share is that people like me, we are more than the sum of our illnesses. My emotions are my own, and not simply a “disease”, and shouldn’t be ignored or written off. My struggles may not be the same as yours, but that is why they are mine.

This is relevant because the last few weeks I have been obsessing about my upcoming birthday. It wouldn’t leave the back of my mind and it kept gnawing away at my psyche. I do not want to turn 30, I would be happy to freeze time as it is right now, my boys never growing older, my wife and I forever young. Life would be rose colored and always sunny! That ain’t happening though, and time marches on no matter if I want it or not. My OCD type personality doesn’t like things to be outside of my control. Time won’t sit in the box I want it to sit in! How rude right? Anyways, this has been on my mind a lot, and I found myself over eating, not really caring about it. I never have stopped being “on plan” and tracking, I just simply stopped caring about it. I need something to change, and it took me awhile to put my finger on it.

So I am growing up, maturing, and improving my life. I have a wife I love, children who are my world, and am breaking out of the prison I was in for the majority of my life. Of course, my prison was never made of cement and steel, mine was made of fat and tears. The warden of this prison was such a jerk, he would sit there stuffing me full of donuts and tell me how much he wishes I wasn’t in his jail. Suuure you can be skinny, or you can have this donut! What a jerk!

The last couple of years has been so eyeopening about how I got fat. I never considered myself an emotional eater but the fact was I just didn’t know the emotions I was having. I tried filling this void with food, love, and even religion, but none of those filled that void. I know many of you are thinking that “umm it is a cross shaped hole..you just need Jesus!”, but it wasn’t what was missing in my life. What has been in that void was much more basic, it was love for myself. It is easier for me to except that someone else loves me, than for me to except that I can love myself. I still struggle with this a lot, and lately it has been bad. All I have been seeing in the mirror is the fat man, behind those flabby walls! He is disgusting, face like a swine, bloated and greasy, his eyes are soulless and reflect the emptiness that he is, and even his smile is a sad thing to see. Luckily though, I know that isn’t who I am, and slowly but surely, I am reminding myself how really awesome that I am.

Keep Calm, Turn the Page
So here is to the next ten years, and to the amazing memories that are coming my way!!

Keep On Rolling,

Big Boned Biker

Another Year on Katrina
Another Year on Katrina
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Does this look familiar _____________________________________________________________?

It is a plateau, when your weight loss seems to stall out and you just kinda sit there for awhile. I have been going through one for a bit though still relativity loosing, my losses amount to an average of .8 a week. Sick and tired of it, but I know what causes it. I just didn’t have the fight in me. I have been pretty emotionally drained lately, with the new baby, upcoming move, and a waaaaaay to long winter. I just lost the fire for awhile.

Two weeks ago I got sick, and it was ugly. I was in bed for about 2 ½ days which also meant I wasn’t eating much. That weeks weigh in was one of my best in awhile a 4.6 pound loss! I can’t really count it though right? It came from being sick, and I know it won’t last. Going into the next week I was pretty sure I was going to have a gain. I realized though, I don’t HAVE to have a gain. What a novel idea eh? I could still have a loss, but it means I would need to knuckle down.

I hit the gym for 6 hours a day everyday, eating nothing but carrots and beef jerky! Fine, I didn’t do that, but I can imagine I did right? I actually didn’t make it to the gym at all, but I did find time to do some activity at home. It is amazing the little things that you can do, that add up to big things. I decided to write out a list of things I can do at home, that may not seem like much by themselves.

Push-ups(ten at a time, done 10 times through out the day)
Laundry lunge(taking the laundry basket and making BIG steps with it around the house a few times)
Stairs(up and down the stairs 5x in a row spread, continue throughout the day)
Toddler lifts(picking up my son from the ground and swinging him up into the air, and back down again..go until you think he might puke)
Clean the floor(take a sponge and wash the floor by hand)
Be a horse(have my toddler ride me around the house while I get some exercise in)
Packing(moving boxes as you pack)

This isn’t an all inclusive list, but just some ideas. The nice part about this list is that I can do them on days I can’t get to the gym. Also, my son loves doing some of them with me, though he tends to more mock me as I try for the push-ups. Activity is all around us if we choose to find it.

Lecture over, moving right along…

I got to ride Katrina the other day!!!!!! It was a very short 4 mile ride, I took her back to the bike shop to get a few adjustments done. I can’t remember if I mentioned it or not, but I had a new crankset installed. For those that wish to know it is a 22/32/42 from a 28/38/48. In human speak it means less “power” but easier to spin, useful on those BBBEH(big bad biker eating hills). As many of you know, I hate driving my car, hate hate hate it. So when I have a fully loaded trailer with me, this will make those hills manageable. It also means I loose some of my “top end speed”, but a brick ain’t made to go fast right? I plan to put up a review on it next month when I get to try it out a bit more..

I am still trying to raise money for my bike tour(you can donate here), though with the upcoming move and my wife’s new job, I may have to put it off one more year. I will still be trying to get a short weekend tour in though, and it will be awesome none the less!

In a final note here, as I am sure this seems more like a jumbled mess than a blog post, I have some awesome news. As of last week I, the Big Boned Biker, am no longer Morbidly Obese…yup I just be severely Obese(or still fat to the layperson). I didn’t even notice it until I went to enter in my weight for my BMI chart that I keep, kind of a cool feeling. I should also add I was able to pull out a loss this week, taking me over the 50# hump. I don’t remember the last time I was this small, and onederland seems so much closer now. My yearly photo is coming up in 7 days, and I can’t wait to see the side by side! I even found a pair of my old pants, I think a 58” waist!

40pounds This photo is for my Weight Watchers leader..this was at about 40# loss 🙂

Forgive me if I don’t post much in the interim, but with this move I will be a bit lacking in the time area. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear about some of the exercises you are finding to do around the house/office, please share in the comment section!

Keep on rolling,

Big Boned Biker