I’m not as fast as you…

Sometimes I feel like a fake, and it bothers me more than it should.

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To start off with, I’m pretty slow compared to a lot of people, I average anywhere from 10-14mph depending on the day. I’m in a facebook cycling group and people are often bragging about how fast they are and how far they go, and while it shouldn’t bother me it does. It makes me feel like a “fake” cyclist because, I don’t put in big miles every week, I don’t ride as fast or as far as many, and I don’t follow all the “rules“.

Today though, I saw this meme today and it really hit me. As long as I’m giving 100% it doesn’t matter if I’m going 10mph or 30mph! It doesn’t matter if I’m riding 1 mile or 200 miles! It doesn’t matter what bike I ride, how it looks, or even that I have a kickstand(yeah I’ve actually been harassed for having one in that group). The only thing that matters is that I am giving my all, and whatever your all looks like, that’s perfectly all right!

Keep On Rolling,

Big Boned Biker

Meme by WheelBrothers.com

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Fear of the Fear

Life is a messy, muddy, and bumpy road.

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When you try and be fancy and screw up dinner. Yeah, that was me last night. It totally messed me up, and I went off the rails last night. That’s not true. We went out to Applebee’s, and since we don’t have the kids this week, it was just my wife and I. Which means I COULD have made the choice to order some healthy options, there are plenty available where we went. I had no kids rushing me to order quickly, I had time to think through what I should order. Instead, I ordered a creamy pasta dish, with onion rings as an appetizer. It would be so easy to blame it all on messing up dinner but the reality is that isn’t what messed me up. I messed me up, I made the choice, and I need to take responsibility for it.

About 3 weeks ago I finally hit below 300! I was ecstatic to say the least! However, in the last 3 weeks I have gained it all back. I don’t know why but I have been struggling hard core lately. I have talked about it with a few close friends, and the only thing we can think of is that I am afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of success, afraid of letting people down. How can I do so well, just to throw it all away? Where do I go from here?

As I sit here writing this I feel the ache of depressing settling in on my heart. I KNOW what to do, I could do the program blindfolded. Yet, when it comes time to follow it, I am hesitant, I am afraid, I am weak. I’ve lost my spark.

When I set out to write this post it was going to be something else all together, something positive and uplifting. But, I make it a point to be honest on this blog, and life isn’t all sunshine and daffodils. It’s messy, gooey, smelly and just plan dirty sometimes. This is just a bump in the road, I will find my spark again, I am confident of that. Every cloud has a silver lining, sometimes it just takes awhile to find it.

Thinking about it, perhaps I just need to learn to not be afraid of the fear. I need to embrace the worries that I am having, instead of trying to run away from them. I’m not solving anything by hiding them away under a pile of food, I need to focus on working through them. Baby steps…

Keep On Rolling,

Big Boned Biker

Cookie monsters and other stories….

Am I the master of my own destiny? No clue, but am I the master of what I eat? Yes!

Yesterday was a tough day, my roarsome SIL came to visit and to make christmas cookies. Here is a very interesting fact about the Big Boned Biker, until I met my wife I had never decorated christmas cookies. My family simply didn’t do those type of things. Another interesting fact, the incing is my favorite part…hence the tough day.

I tracked all that I ate, but I made some bad regrettable choices. We decided to go to IHOP, YUM! I love the cinni-stack pancakes, because they don’t need any extra syrup on them. So I ordered them up, knowing from previous experience they are only about 15-17 points. It was a wonderfully delicious, tickling the taste buds as each bite was savored. After, I pull up my trusty Weight Watchers App to track, and am shocked when I see that my 15-17 point meal was 24! I forgot that I meant to order the 3 stack not the 4. Le Sigh, ok I can move on no biggie, and try and plan out the rest of my day.

Lunch time rolled around but with a slight issue, instead of doing the cookies after my sons nap as I thought we would do, we did them when he got back from daycare at noon. I found myself soon taking little licks of frosting, and a few more, and a few more, and a few more. You get the idea, right? So lunch did not really happy, but at about 2:30 I ate some soup and chips. I was starving, and that is not a good time to eat. I am feeling kind of disappointed in my choices for the day but that is ok, dinner will be easy to get through.

Dinner time! I decided on some more soup, chips, broccoli with cheese, and a pastrami sandwich. Ok, so dinner is done and I am satisfied. Wait, no I am still really hungry! Ok, I will finish off the pastrami and that should do it! Nope…ok lets have some dessert, a pudding cup to round off the meal. Done finally? Nope. So I spent a few hours fighting it, getting hungrier and finally decide to have some candy. Candy is filling right? As I was putting it in my mouth, chewing it, the pain of regret already set in. So I spit it out! Still hungry though, so I decided on having a yogurt. After that, I feel asleep watching tv and woke up in a much better mood.

Lesson learned? Make sure I eat throughout the day, so that way I am not overly hungry for any of my meals.

In other news, I can now do 10 pushups in a row, NOT on my knees. I even did a clapper the other day, but only one of those. I also went to the K-mart the other day and saw some hoodies that I liked. However, they only had 1xl available, but decided to put it on anyways. It fit realitivly ok! I know that hoodies though tend to run a bit big, but still a great feeling none the less.

This is my last update most likely of the year, but if you have gotten any help from this blog, from my story, please share it with others. See you next year!

Keep On Rolling,

Big Boned Biker

Happy Holidays!