The day started like any great day should, with a lovely breakfast in bed (I had already eaten some of it before I thought to take the picture). Much better than the oatmeal I had been planing on having hands down. Looking outside, the weather was cloudy and looked like it could turn to rain. There went my plans for a bike ride with the family, I had been really looking forward to it too. We spent the morning just chilling out around the house, watched a movie, my oldest helped me switch out the pedals on Katrina (I decided to put the original ones back on her), and had a quick-lunch. Fun times, fun times.
I decided at this point to check the weather report and it said it was supposed to clear up and be sunny. Sure enough, having stepped outside to check, the weather was getting nice! It’s at this point when I asked my wife if she REALLY wanted to go for the ride I had planned. Surprisingly she was still up for it, and so I began the laborious process of getting ready. In case you don’t have kids, getting ready for anything isn’t a 1. 2. 3. task. It’s more like:
You get the idea I think at this point. Add into this I need to get the bikes/trailer all ready too, we worked up a sweat before we even left. The fun part of that is my landlord is fixing up our house, and is storing the supplies in my garage. The very front of the garage, and it’s a PITA to get the bike and trailer out of there now. Mind you, when you asked I thought it would be a couple of buckets of paint, not 3 ladders, a door, lumber, plywood, and a few things that I don’t know what they are. Our back porch/playroom is also filled with windows too, so can’t store them there either. I digress though, and after getting the tires all pumped, the trailer hooked up, and helmets all rounded up, it was time to get going. Oops, wait, someone needs to go potty. Ok now it’s time to go!
A few key points to remember, this is my wife’s second time on a bike since middle school, my wife has a medical condition that can cause her to faint during an intense workout, and finally her first ride was a total of about 4 miles. We decided to take the bike trail up to Chesterton, IN, which is only about 10 miles each way. Ya, that’s about 20 miles! We were set for a fun-filled time, and our adventure started early. We were heading to the trail head on some quiet suburban roads and we had a left hand turn to make into the park where we would meet the prairie dune land trail. A truck was behind me and I signal very clearly that I would be making a left hand turn. I begin to make my turn when half way through it I realize the truck had tried passing us! Had I been 2 seconds slower I think I would have been hit. I brushed it off, I was pulling the kids and didn’t need them to get upset. Truth be told though, I was rather rattled by this, with a flash back to a news article I read a few weeks ago. One of the folks I rode with on the tri-state bike ride was hit by a car and died! This happened about 15 miles from my home, this is one of my biggest fears with cycling.
Every made a promise to a kid, and instantly regret it? Ya, I sorta promised we would stop at a park on the ride. In the mind of a 4.5 year old that means we will stop at the first park we see, as well as every subsequent park that we pass. I knew that if we stopped this early we would never get anywhere! I did the reasonable thing though, I told him that the park was full. It had 2 kids playing in it, and someday if he reads this, I’m sorry, sorta. Something that you should know about this route, is that we pass by about 5 parks. That isn’t counting the fact that when we turn around we pass them again. To make it up to him though, I told him we would stop at the dragon park on the way home. It’s the nicer of them and its about 2 miles from home. This seemed to work better than I had expected, leaving me to solve the next problem.
“THAT’S MY TRANSFORMER! HE WON’T STOP TAKING IT! STOP IT!” is what I heard from behind me. A 4.5 year old trying to reason with an 18 month old doesn’t typically get the result that he would like. Just for the record, we brought 2 toys for them to play with. This went on for about 20 min, finally ending when one of them zonked out. This was followed shortly by the next one, this lasted until Chesterton.
I loved the fact that this gave my wife and I a chance to just chat. It reminded me of when we dated, those ideal conversations that had nothing to do with anything important. We made it all the way to the end of the trail without stopping for a break. When we did stop for a quick 10 min break before turning around the boys woke up, a bit crankily unfortunately. It was getting hot out and my they both looked very warm. We decided to give them a quick cool down with some water, and they both seemed to be in great spirits afterwords. A happy child, is a happy daddy.
The ride home was uneventful until we got to the park, the dragon park. When we arrived it was empty and the boys were having fun playing. My youngest ,just happy to be free from the restraints of the bike trailer, was just running around with no real objective. About 10 minutes into it a family shows up with their kids, about 6 of them (I think it was 2 families together). It was quickly apparent that it would be best if we just left. If you ever are looking for something fun to do, I suggest you try to get a toddler and a preschooler to leave a park after 15 minutes! We finally got them wrangled, my youngest being exceptionally fast for having little legs! We headed home, where everyone decided to enjoy a nice summer time snack of peaches and watermelon. Before I could enjoy my snack though, I put the bikes away. Katrina first, followed by bulls-eye (the trailer), finally Tallulah. As I lifted her up to carry over the mound of supplies in the garage, the back wheel came right off! Sometime during the ride it had come completely loose, while hooked up to the trailer filled with 66 pounds of kids and diaper bag(not sure which weighed more). To say I was shocked is an understatement, because I had checked them the last time I rode. Moral of that story, you can’t check your bolts/screws to often.
So, for father’s day, I didn’t get a card, I didn’t get a present, I didn’t get a little trinket to sit on my desk. I got the best damn gift I could ever ask for, a memory!
Big Boned Biker
My son was begging me all day to do one thing, care to guess what it was? He wanted to go for a bike ride! I told him no, and no, and no, and no. My ankle is still really hurting and I wish I knew why, but I tried putting some heat on it, to no avail. However, I finally relented and took the boys on a trip in the magic cart (because somehow they almost always magically fall asleep).
It was nice and warm out, not hot, just warm. The bike felt amazing today, she responded like a dream and even pedaling didn’t hurt! As I rode down the path I started to think about somethings that have been on my mind lately. I have been going through a major depressive spell, and it has been sucking the life right out of me. I have been doing a lot of computer gaming lately, and even that isn’t making me happy. Nothing at all is making me happy right now, not even cycling. Depression rips the soul right out of you, it makes you just want to crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of your days. It blows monkey chunks. I remember looking up, and seeing something though, it is my absolute favorite part of the entire Prairie Dune-land trail!
I don’t know why, but this stretch it so amazingly peaceful to me, and brings warm fuzzy thoughts into my mind. Even today, it worked it’s magic on me. I looked over the side of the rails at the grassy area’s below and just felt peaceful, relaxed, and content with everything. I found the bike moving effortlessly along, and a smile slowly crept on my lips. Regrettably though, I couldn’t make it last. When I finally left this part of my ride, happily peddling my way home, the previous feelings and thoughts found their way back into my mind. This time though, they came back stronger and more fierce!
These are the thoughts that are in my mind. Silent to everyone else, screaming at me in my head. This is what I am dealing with right now, and it sucks. It makes it hard some days for me to function outside the basics. How am I suppose to do well on weight watchers, when I can’t find that voice inside of me. The one that says “STFU all you other voices, I’m in charge now!”. Where are you? Where are you hiding? I know it’s in here somewhere, I just need to find out where and how to get him out again. I will though, I have to because what other option do I really have?
This is a journey, I just wish this mountain wasn’t so steep.
Big Boned Biker
I have been writing this post for awhile now, I get a few lines in and delete it. I have been in a bad spot, and just not happy about where I am at with things. I was on some medication that had a side effect of weight gain, and it hit me hard! In 2 months around 30 pounds, but I am finally off of it.
I had hoped/thought that once I was off, things would be fine and the weight would come of quickly. Nope. I can’t seem to refocus on weight watchers, the weight I gained has left me feeling so horrible about myself. I hate that I let myself regain so much weight, even though I know it was a side effect. I feel that I should have been stronger, and I am frankly embarrassed by my new weight. I already lost this weight, I don’t want to do it again! Argh!
I have gotten out biking a few times, but I can tell a difference from last year. I am struggling to do the mileage that I was able to do last spring, which just adds to my shame. Emotionally, I don’t know what to do, I am spinning out of control. This is how it has always been for me when I began to slip of the cliff, though this time one important thing is different. I normally can’t “see” myself doing well, I just see myself gaining hundreds of pounds. This time, I can see myself getting back on track. I can picture myself looking back on this time and the struggle I am facing, and how I was able to turn things around again.
My Action Plan
I am taking a baby step the rest of the week, I am going to get 30 min of some sort of activity in everyday. This could be cleaning the yard (or the house), playing with the kids, riding, learning to dance polka, what ever. It needs to give me a steady elevated heart rate, and I will count it.
I will track, and no “short hand” tracking! I will track it BEFORE I eat it, and not after.
I will talk to those who will help support me, and that I know won’t take my crappy excuses.
I will remind myself, that this isn’t a punishment. This is simply a journey, and just because I took a wrong turn, doesn’t mean I am going to strap c4 explosives to the bottom of the car, drive it towards a cliff at 100mph, and jump out at the last moment in a dramatic slow motion style as the car explodes. Instead, I am going to ask for directions, plug in the gps, and get back on the road.
Signed: Big Boned Biker
I will do my best to keep some updates coming, and don’t forget o check out my Facebook page for more daily activity.
This really is a journey of a 1000 miles, and I’m already taking step number 2!
Keep on rolling!
* I am finishing this up really late, and I hope the writing makes sense *
Saturday, a fellow father and blogger, Oren Miller, passed away from cancer. I knew him as the admin and founder of a Dad Blogger group I am a part of. I never had much one on one talking with him, but still his death hurts. It really really hurts. It hurts more than I “think” it should, I feel like I don’t have the right to feel this way. I feel that I am being selfish in a sense, that this grief shouldn’t belong to me. Yet here I am, crying at my keyboard at 1am, wondering why?
I feel for his children, his wife, and his loved ones. I know exactly how it feels to loose people you love to illnesses that they didn’t deserve. Why can’t all the pedophiles, rapist, and murders get all the cancer? How come it is amazing people like those I have known? WHY?
Since reading this news my eating has gone downhill. Pizza, Chinese, and candy. I haven;t exercised and I feel like crap from doing all this. I need to put the brakes down today. This post is short and to the point, but it is important to me. While it may not “flow” nicely, I am getting these thoughts out,! Letting myself bring back some room for some positive thinking and acting. Everyday is a new day, and a fresh start can happen when ever you wish it.
Keep On Rolling,
Big Boned Biker